It has been 3 weeks since my baby girl left me. I have a real hard time admitting that I need anything from anyone and tend to just say, everything is under control. Is it really? I don't know. I still cycle between emotions and find myself annoyed and frustrated by comments that people make.
* I should not be so upset and I should be happy that I have Cole
What if I were to say... well, you have 3 children and if one were to die that is OK because you still have two? NO-Not cool. A life is a life!! Your child is your child- right?
Of course, I am happy to have Cole! He is my beautiful little guy; however, the fact that I have him does not lessen the pain of losing my little girl. She was a living person! A person who I loved as much as Cole. She was Cole's baby sister.
* Your young- you still have time to have children
Um, do you think that by getting pregnant again I am going to forget about my little girl? Nope! One child cannot be a replacement for another. All I want is Aria back; she was going to be my punk rock girl [thats me dreaming- she probably would have been an athlete or super girly haha*]. The thought of getting pregnant again scares me to death. [twins or more this time- lol] I don't know; it is just not going to be the same.
* Everything happens for a reason: maybe she would have had physical, mental or behavioral problems.
That really does not make me feel any better. Even if she was Regan from the Exorcist (considering her parents, good possibility-lol), I still would have loved her and wanted her. In my mind, there is no good reason or rationalization for Arias death.
Quite frankly everything has a reason; ya know- cause and effect. Simply, fibroids broke my placenta causing me to go into pre-term labor and a baby her age cannot survive. Thats why she died- not to keep my mother in law company in Heaven.
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